I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk