I wish I only lived at night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick