Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday