Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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