maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
