who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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