If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
did you just send me my own nude
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
