Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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