im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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