Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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