Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am available for nakedness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
