my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Someone shattered a urinal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
