What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
