I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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