i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
