uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
