Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
