So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
