Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
