McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
