I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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