i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
