I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
