watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
