one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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