She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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