Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
