Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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