All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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