And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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