You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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