She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
