So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
