I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
