I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
