I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I only lived at night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
