he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
