Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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