i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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