dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
