the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
