I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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