I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
