i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
