everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
