Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
