I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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