R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
