Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he fucked my hip out of place.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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