I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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