this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
