I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
