Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sext me about skeletons
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
