1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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