ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
