Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize