So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
