I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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