How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
