Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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