I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
