Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
