i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I will pee on everything he values.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
