they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
