we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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