So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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