Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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