I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this boner is exhausting
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
