My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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