I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize