What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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