i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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