is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
